Film reviews – Batman and Robin

Yet another from the 25 worst films list.

“I’m Batman!”

Oh, no. Sorry, my bad. This is the other one.

Cast your mind back. Back to a time when a happy meal actually made you happy, a time when Alicia Silverstone’s butt made headlines everywhere, a time when Batman was camper than a Glastonbury field in June. This is the world of Batman and Robin.

batbutts500% more butts than Chris Nolan ever gave you.

It has latex suits with super-nipples, sets dressed with neon and fake plants, and a Gotham liberally sprinkled with inexplicable giant statues. Seriously, guys. Even New York only has one. When it gets to the action, things are equally otherworldly. Newton’s laws of motion no longer apply: people soar around like birds and if you drop your weapon it might well change its trajectory at the last minute to make sure it gets to a good guy.

sillygun

Batman’s new power: telekinesis

The script is equal parts insultingly lazy and bizarrely awesome. Alicia Silverstone goes to ‘Oxbridge Academy’ because just Oxford or Cambridge wouldn’t be enough. Arnold Schwarznegger tries to test the mathematical limits of how many quips about freezing you can squeeze into his screen time. Even more shockingly, Uma Thurman’s face is able to move.

The only note of realism comes from George Clooney. He looks deeply uncomfortable about the whole thing.

Still, I can’t lie to you. I kind of loved it. Cowabunga!

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